Que Sera Se-fucking-ra
Nov. 19th, 2006 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thelibraniniquityI feel like shit.
Fact: I have a vicious, violent temper when provoked or pissed off enough.
Fiction: This temper surfaces frequently.
Tonight is the second time in about two and a half years that my temper has taken control of me/my actions. That's right, Mum, two and a half YEARS. The last time it happened was when I was working on the coursework essay retakes for A-level history and out of frustration threw my phone across the room.
It broke.
Tonight Hannah texted me, telling me she'd lost everything on her hard drive. Before I could call her back, I needed to top-up my credit. Tried to do so using the information my gran had given me to use her card for the top-up. Three attempts and three 'typos' later, had enough of it not working and threw my phone across the room.
It broke.
Luckily (??) for me there's a payphone in College Court's reception, so went there to call Mum to see if there's an old phone at home I could use, since my SIM card is still intact.
She had a go at me for losing my temper like I did. And when you've only got 30p and are making a national call, it's very hard to get across the point that yes, I know what an idiot I was for throwing the phone, and actually, if it hadn't been the phone (which, surprise surprise, was in my hands at the time), I would only have hit the wall, or something else equally self-damaging. Yes, I hate the fact I have a temper. But for the last two and a half years I have managed to control myself to the point of not getting angry/frustrated enough to let my emotions get the better of me.
Until tonight.
All I want right now is to talk to Hannah and make sure she's ok.
And I can't even do that.
Fact: I have a vicious, violent temper when provoked or pissed off enough.
Fiction: This temper surfaces frequently.
Tonight is the second time in about two and a half years that my temper has taken control of me/my actions. That's right, Mum, two and a half YEARS. The last time it happened was when I was working on the coursework essay retakes for A-level history and out of frustration threw my phone across the room.
It broke.
Tonight Hannah texted me, telling me she'd lost everything on her hard drive. Before I could call her back, I needed to top-up my credit. Tried to do so using the information my gran had given me to use her card for the top-up. Three attempts and three 'typos' later, had enough of it not working and threw my phone across the room.
It broke.
Luckily (??) for me there's a payphone in College Court's reception, so went there to call Mum to see if there's an old phone at home I could use, since my SIM card is still intact.
She had a go at me for losing my temper like I did. And when you've only got 30p and are making a national call, it's very hard to get across the point that yes, I know what an idiot I was for throwing the phone, and actually, if it hadn't been the phone (which, surprise surprise, was in my hands at the time), I would only have hit the wall, or something else equally self-damaging. Yes, I hate the fact I have a temper. But for the last two and a half years I have managed to control myself to the point of not getting angry/frustrated enough to let my emotions get the better of me.
Until tonight.
All I want right now is to talk to Hannah and make sure she's ok.
And I can't even do that.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 07:49 pm (UTC)I usually don't break things when I'm angry, but I shout at people who don't deserve it. Which I feel bad about afterwards, because I know from experience how frightening and frustrating it can be when someone shouts at you and all you can do stand there because the other one won't listen to you anyway.
I know somebody who broke a bunch of phones, though. She also punched a hole into her bathroom door once, even though she's only like 5'2''.
I guess everybody has a right to lose their temper once in a while. It just happens. And it sucks to have to listen to people giving you a hard time about it, because it's not something a person does on purpose.
I hope you found a way to contact Hannah after all. If you talk to her, please tell her I'm sorry her HD died. I hope she'll find a way to restore at least some of the data!
no subject
Date: 2006-11-19 07:54 pm (UTC)And yeah, managed to talk to Hannah about 20 minutes after phone breakage, and her mum managed to restore everything on the hard drive, so... :)
So now I'm without mobile phone for a few days at the very least... Ah well.